First, some thoughts after the Saturday visit to my mom's party (I gave her a beautiful decorative and rather expensive candle, she asked "what is it?", "a candle" I said, "what for?" she asked, "well, to light it and put it on the table, or something, it's decorative..." I answered hesitantly, "I don't use candles." answered my mom in a dull voice. I know, she got MEXX blouse and a bottle of perfumes form my cousin, it's far more useful than a decorative candle in her favourite green colour...), where I met some aunts and what happened after that...
I am 31, married for two years and have no children. I don't feel I would like to have one. I don't like children, never wanted to work in a nursery school, I don't pee in my pants when my friends visit with a cute baby. No offence, but for me, babies aren't cute. Cats are cute. I love children of my friends' and I am a wonderful aunt, but I just don't want to have my own baby. At least right now. It's not the right moment in my life (and not the right extremely small and stuffed apartment, an huge loans to pay off...).
I always thought it is a matter of my choice.
But in fact, it's not like that. Because whenever I visit my mom and meet my aunts, I am attacked with millions of questions about the baby... It was like that on Saturday, when my mom invited two of my cousins (Magda, 29, son 10, pregnant again; Pauline, 30, daughter 4 months) , and the whole carousell started again... And I even had a small row with one aunt, which shut her for a while, but then the other one started!... Can I use a sticky tape to stop them from asking me questions about the baby?
And do you know what their main argument is? I should have the baby because my mother is bored!!!... What?!... I should have the baby to keep my mom entertained?!... As if I had the child and gave it away to my mom to play with!!!... No way!
Next time they start I swear I'm going to tell them that "it's a painful topic for me because we try and cannot conceive"... Or maybe I should just say "it's none of your business" in a rather rude way? Children are not toys, are not solutions to anything (like marital problems, but my cousin Magda doesn't seem to understand it...), aren't one-day entertainment. It's responsibility, change of priorities, financial stability is necessary - and I'm not ready for this yet, I want to fully enjoy motherhood when I consciously make this decision.
Enough of this.
Can you guess what this is? ^^
My japanese knitting book arrived today! (*^-^*)
I looked through it and the charts really do look clear, so I believe even without knowing a single kanji sign I'll be able to knit with it!
I'm making lists of things to do everyday, and it seems to work - I cross out the things I've done and follow the plan! I've been very busy all weekend sewing and embroiderying, all for the event we are going next weekend, and I'll post the pictures after we get back.