First, some thoughts after the Saturday visit to my mom's party (I gave her a beautiful decorative and rather expensive candle, she asked "what is it?", "a candle" I said, "what for?" she asked, "well, to light it and put it on the table, or something, it's decorative..." I answered hesitantly, "I don't use candles." answered my mom in a dull voice. I know, she got MEXX blouse and a bottle of perfumes form my cousin, it's far more useful than a decorative candle in her favourite green colour...), where I met some aunts and what happened after that...
I am 31, married for two years and have no children. I don't feel I would like to have one. I don't like children, never wanted to work in a nursery school, I don't pee in my pants when my friends visit with a cute baby. No offence, but for me, babies aren't cute. Cats are cute. I love children of my friends' and I am a wonderful aunt, but I just don't want to have my own baby. At least right now. It's not the right moment in my life (and not the right extremely small and stuffed apartment, an huge loans to pay off...).
I always thought it is a matter of my choice.
But in fact, it's not like that. Because whenever I visit my mom and meet my aunts, I am attacked with millions of questions about the baby... It was like that on Saturday, when my mom invited two of my cousins (Magda, 29, son 10, pregnant again; Pauline, 30, daughter 4 months) , and the whole carousell started again... And I even had a small row with one aunt, which shut her for a while, but then the other one started!... Can I use a sticky tape to stop them from asking me questions about the baby?
And do you know what their main argument is? I should have the baby because my mother is bored!!!... What?!... I should have the baby to keep my mom entertained?!... As if I had the child and gave it away to my mom to play with!!!... No way!
Next time they start I swear I'm going to tell them that "it's a painful topic for me because we try and cannot conceive"... Or maybe I should just say "it's none of your business" in a rather rude way? Children are not toys, are not solutions to anything (like marital problems, but my cousin Magda doesn't seem to understand it...), aren't one-day entertainment. It's responsibility, change of priorities, financial stability is necessary - and I'm not ready for this yet, I want to fully enjoy motherhood when I consciously make this decision.
Enough of this.
Can you guess what this is? ^^
My japanese knitting book arrived today! (*^-^*)
I looked through it and the charts really do look clear, so I believe even without knowing a single kanji sign I'll be able to knit with it!
I'm making lists of things to do everyday, and it seems to work - I cross out the things I've done and follow the plan! I've been very busy all weekend sewing and embroiderying, all for the event we are going next weekend, and I'll post the pictures after we get back.
Joanna, this post really hit home! I've never been "baby crazy". I think this may partially be because I am the youngest in my family and my sister and I were the only kids in our family, hence, no babies to play with. And I definitely agree that kitties are cuter (and easier) than babies! I doubt I'm ever going to have children, and I'm lucky that my mom doesn't ever bug me about it, though I know she would love grandkids. It's just frustrating when people think you are "weird" for not wanting kids or roll their eyes and say, "oh don't worry, you'll want them someday." Maybe so, but let ME make my life choices and stay out of my business! I don't go around insulting them for having children! Oh well, sorry to ramble on, just thought I'd let you know you're not alone!ReplyDelete
I think that too many people rush into having children. I do want to have children but, like you, not yet. I want to wait until I am ready to always put them first rather than resent the loss of my spare time!ReplyDelete
I've been making lists too, of what I would like to accomplish knitting-wise daily, and it seems to work quite well. I've been sticking to it pretty faithfully, so there's been steady progress.ReplyDelete
Totally know what you mean about babies. Fortunately, my mom knows it's my own decision and doesn't bug me. I'm all for the "none of your business" response or you could try this one: "I don't have children because I'm a cold and heartless child hater." I bet that would get an interesting response! :-)ReplyDelete
(Hello from the USA!)
You should do what a friend of mine did: when her mother-in-law was really bothering her about children, she told her that they'd been to see the doctor about some problem with her son's (my friend's husband, ie) equipment. That shut the woman right up.ReplyDelete
But you're right, it's an awful topic to talk about and there never is an easy answer. I agree with Lobstah, you're not alone.
Stick to your guns! I never wanted to be anything but SuperMom, but if we all wanted the same things the world would be totally boring! Maybe you could ask your Mom if she would be willing to be the surrogate? 8-)ReplyDelete
Now don't you let anyone get you down about kids. Stick to your decision. Kids are the most work you will ever have. Once you have them, there is no turning back. Wait until you are absolutely ready and the finances are resolved. Even if you never have kids that's far better than having them and then having to worry about everything. My husband and I waited 7 years before we made the plunge and I must say, I've never worked so hard in my life. Make sure you really really want the commitment and if you don't, not having kids is probably the best decision you could make. Whatever you do, it will be the right decision. Trust your insticts.ReplyDelete
I do not understand why people feel it's any of their business if others choose to have kids or not.ReplyDelete
Stand your ground, it's completely your own decision and not something enyone else has any say in whatsoever.